N3F4RIOU5

Barracuda

by MC Poetry

I.

this promising fish story drowns
at the hands of an author
whose first language
must not be english

II.

As the author of Barracuda
I expected a few low star reviews
since this genre doesn’t suit
everyone’s taste. I embrace
constructive criticism as a helpful tool,
but it is perfectly clear
that this reviewer
did NOT read my book.

The lack of credible examples
of writing improprieties,
and just plain generic negativity
indicates a fraudulent review.
Like the mindless computer geeks
who get their thrills
from creating a destructive virus,
this “no name” reviewer gets off
on a destructive review.

This does not ruin my day,
but makes me feel sorry
for a loner who stoops so low.

The laughs on you, because your review is laughable.

link

Tags: found poetry, hate mail

Lesser-Known Beefs

by MC Poetry

Kris Kristofferson vs. Toby Keith

David Cross vs. Larry the Cable Guy

Man vs. Ribs

Zombies vs. Chomsky

Grimace vs. Skank McMuffin

Arby’s Roast vs. It’s Not Liquid in a Bag That is Boiled and Sliced, Now Come On That is Just Stupid and Gross

Objectionable Phrases

by MC Poetry

such as my friend whom I sat with
rivals Anakin Skywalker’s feelings towards Sand People
felt a bit like the Asian boy in Gran Torino
plant consumption is about as basic to human instinct as singing along to “Don’t Stop Believing”
drops acid as much as Britney Spears drops her baby
less experience with drugs than Tim Tebow has with books
find a way to make Jimmy Fallon’s talk show funny
a night at a Phish concert
less been successful than Matt Damon’s attempts to be taken seriously
more dangerous than a Bob Knight locker room after a loss
filled with bears
even if you took away all the drugs in the world
increasing faster than the number of “Carrie Prejean sex tape” Google searches
tied our country up like Ann Darrow
make King Kong seem about as menacing as our football team’s defense
I hope I didn’t offend anyone

source

Tags: found poetry