advice
The Road Taken
by Verse A. Phile
Many times the road less traveled
Is less traveled for a reason.
But that’s okay, because
Everyone has to die
Sooner or later, right?
Bears have to eat
Every day, too, right?
Shh. Here comes another free spirit.
To a New Dishwasher
by MC Poetry
When you are old
They will throw you out
And leave you to die
As your kin now lies.
See him, there?
On the curb, rusted and finished
With all that wood
In such questionable taste.
But now you are young
So think not of such things.
With so much life ahead
Let nothing keep you
From your sworn duty—
To be loaded, yes!
Full of
Lightly-encrusted tableware,
Stuffed with soap,
Turned on
And left alone.
Then, in Act II,
Your wards are both
Clean and not clean
Until their states are resolved
With a flick of your handle.
It may be years before your senses fail
But one day the cat will be dead
And the box will be discarded.
There are few things less meaningful
Than the end of a dishwasher.
Professor Spider’s Mailbag
by MC Poetry
Each week, Professor Spider answers your questions about relationships, finances, legal matters, and life in general. Write in to professor.spider@N3F4RIOU5.org to have your question featured in an upcoming mailbag.
DEAR PROFESSOR SPIDER: My husband and I have been married six months now and it’s been great. We built our nest in a really nice oak and have been saving up and planning for kids. But lately he’s been very irritable and quick to snap at me for having my feathers out of place or not having the worms ready when he gets home from work. I hate to even suggest he’s having an affair, but I realize it could be a possibility. What should I do?
—SAD AND LONELY IN CAIRNS
DEAR SAD AND LONELY: Come closer.
PROFESSOR SPIDER EATS YOU NOW
MC Poetry sez:
- New N3F4RIOU5 post! http://n3f4riou5.org/?p=806
Verse A. Phile sez:
- Life is like a box of chocolates: you buy it for someone when you don't know what gift to give them. And some of it tastes like shit.